Change is inevitable. Male sexuality is more fluid than society is willing to admit and it changes over time. To feel sexual enjoyment (not simply excitement) is to experience our sexual energy as our life force. As we grow older, the drive to have sex may decrease, but the enjoyment of sex shifts into a different kind of zone of intimacy.



There are men who sometimes feel stuck in their own skins, struggle to remain in their own skins, and/or don't know how to embrace themselves more fully. We've been brought up in a sexist/heterosexist culture which leaves its marks upon us as men, stultifying our abilities to go beyond the confines of what a man "should be" to what he can be. Unless we decide otherwise!



There are men who fear penetration because they have aligned it with being feminized, or struggle with allowing themselves to have their fantasies without  religious or societal guilt, or want to integrate their masculine/feminine eros but want some help in doing so. Some men never had a mentor in their lives to guide them into self-validation, or who have been numbed by drugs for so long that they battle within themselves to embrace and to express their  authentic feelings and create new beliefs about who they are and want to be.



There are other men who have experienced no rites of passage into male adulthood and want to find ways to create their own rites and be witnessed by other men moving out of the "puer eternus" (eternal youth) stage into adulthood. There are men who see no connection between spirituality (sacredness) and their sexuality, yet know there is something more to be gained than simply following religious tenets or having as much sex as possible.



Many men find it difficult to talk about their sexual fantasies and/or fetishes. To find someone to share in a safe way their desires can be a very  shame-releasing,  healing experience.  No matter what your fantasy or fetish is, it is possible and realistic to experiment and explore it.



Some men who enter their 50s and 60s hold shame or guilt around their fantasies and fetishes, but also around their aging. They are no longer "young and acceptable" in their own eyes and presume that is true in the eyes of others.  This can shift. There is life beyond 40, a vibrant, sexual, sensual, erotic life for every man!  Ken provides the access and resources to prompt or support the exploration of sexual desires as a man continues to mature.

Some signs of a healthy erotic life:

*  Enjoy peak erotic

    experiences as means

    to deeper self-awareness 

*  Recognize and embrace

    the role of emotions in

     what turns you on

*  Identify childhood

    moments that fuel your

    strongest passions

*  Acknowledge when your

    sexual scripts work

    against you

*  Explore your commitment

    to needed self-affirming


*  Build an interactive zone

    between love and lust

                Jack Morin, 
            The Erotic Mind
Male Sexuality and Change